Oh Womaniyaaa...

I was born here. I call this country my country. By this country/my country I mean, India. How much am I proud of it? How much do I hate it here. I wouldn't have got this doubt in my mind if I weren't a girl. A girl in India lives a different life as compared to a girl living elsewhere. At least that's what I think. How are we different. Firstly in population. You literally see people right next to you, in 10 cm vicinity and that's not awkward. We, like virus, have occupied every little place in this area allocated to us, called our country. There are people. If there aren't any people, there is garbage.

Welcome to India. We are filled in filth ourselves as much as we fill the country itself with. Some people have little filth. Some people do a lot. I stopped believing in any other criteria by which we differentiate people, except this. Filth to you is not filth to me, or the other way round. There are people who are driven by ambitions, by money, by love, by lust. But in common, we are all driven by the rules made by the society. They define what kind of people we are. That is the criteria which matters right now.

Personal learnings do not have any impact. They are to be buried within oneself or are to be passed on to your immediate friends who are really close to you or you wouldn't really open up. If you do not tell anyone they are as good as going into the grave with you.

I have my learnings too. I have defined how my life is going to be. How I do not want to be married at 24 like many of my Facebook friends, how I need an MBA more than I need a husband, how I am an independent woman and would want to dress up as how I want to. How I do not need those judgmental looks, how I want to be happy in my own skin. But no. They are not applicable here. This is India and people don't really care about what you are as a person as long as you are acceptable as part of this filth.

Is 24 a right age to get married? Really? What is the right age or wrong age anyway? Isn't the criterion supposed to be the right person but not the right age? Doesn't "I'm not ready yet" make any sense to parents? And if anything doesn't make any sense to them, does that mean we are wrong? If the parent himself thinks one's thoughts and plans are immature, what makes him think one can manage a huge responsibility called marriage when one is 24? Does 'seeing each other' make any sense here? Does being agnostic or atheist mean nothing here, but the fact that Satan is playing his role on us? Are we defined on what faults we made and are abducted our right to make decisions? Does having an opinion of our own make any sense here?  Is it everywhere or does it happen only here in India?

Should we cover our faces with a scarf just so we are not thrown acid at? Should we cover ourselves tip to toe even on a hot sunny day just so we are not eve-teased? Should we stay home after 8 just so we don't get raped? Does slapping a person who misbehaved with you a crime which is going to haunt you all your life? Is fighting back a bad thing to do? Is that why my mother is scared, that someone is going to throw acid on my face if I raise my voice against something/someone? Is lodging a complaint a crime here, that we are asked filthy questions and made fun at but the problem remains the same? Should a rape victim cover her face in public or in media just so she is not judged by our filthy eyes? Are the girls asked to dress properly but the boys aren't asked to behave themselves? Is there no protection here? None? Is it everywhere or does it happen only here in India?

Is it our fault to be a girl or is it our fault to be an Indian girl?       


It is Chaos. And I hate it here.

"And then I decided not to work for a corporate company again!"

I shamelessly call myself a writer (for a rookie writer which I am), and realized I wrote only three posts, one a year! That's the exact definition of a bad writer. Like any other post of mine, this is also a series of incidents which happened in my life.

That was December, 2012 when I first joined the job, got first salary for the first 15 days I worked, the time when transition from being a miser to being a brat happened. We moved to Bengaluru, all of us. We called that a honeymoon period. Life was pretty okay even without money (the consequence which happened because of the transition). Apoorva made it easier. If there was a single slice of bread, we used to share(not that we had just a slice of bread thought! We had a loaf, maybe).  We had freedom, individuality, self responsibility and no money.

That's how we landed back in Hyderabad. Only expenses were spent on parties, pretty clothes and commute. Yes I started using the words like commute. Welcome to the software world! Its their lingo. Or 'our' if I'm allowed to call it. 

However miserable, it was a comfort zone. It was a bubble which we'd choose not to come out of. That's not how it should work. You take chances. You explore. You check for other opportunities. Think twice. Thrice. Did you really want to become a software engineer? If you're a mechie, what the hell are you doing in front of this shitty box? Did you ever want to become a bartender, a film Director or a beat-boxer? Were we programmed all our life to be what you are now? Did you decide to be this? 

What if I really wanted be a chef or a tennis player? This is India. We aren't allowed to take chances. Parents wouldn't be proud if their daughter were a bartender. That's why there are more engineers than there are artists. There are more software employees than there are professional dancers. And me? I just went with the flow. It was MPC because it cannot be BiPC. It was math because I cannot draw. It was Sreenidhi because that's the most decent college I got with my EAMCET score. It was ECM because the CSE seats were filled by nerds and rich kids. It was Cognizant because that's the only company I got recruited by. I don't really know what I want. Would I? Ever?

Money isn't really a priority anymore.
Two years is enough. I quit.

I promised to myself, that I will grow as a person. I will learn new things. I will explore new opportunities. I will do real business and give my MBA some meaning. I will do everything I wanted to, and everything I never did before. 

From this two years of experience, I decided I do not want to be a human robot again. I do not want to work for an MNC where you don't get to use your brain, where there is no vivaciousness and no identity. *T&C Apply 

*except when I have to pay my education loan or when I'm in deep shitty crisis.  

Confessions of a Corporate (Enthusiast)

Sitting in the lawns of a huge corporate office, gazing at the glass building, wondering what the hell you’re doing here? That’s okay. You’re not the only one. I still remember the day we were sitting in the college, on the day of the interview, when we were reading about the history of the company just in case anybody pops a question about it. Waiting for the call, tension filled heads, hoping we’d get in because parents expect us to(or maybe even we!). It all started from the time when we used to bunk, bunk a lot. Pocket money wasn’t sufficient for all the movies we wanted to watch and junk we wanted to eat. Any student would want a day in his/her life when he would stop asking money from home, be financially independent and not answer to anyone for the money they spent. So did I. Maybe a little more because of an independent feminist in me. The call had come, I went in, was asked a few questions and got the job! Everyone in the house was happy, relatives proud (after all of mum’s touting about her kid getting a job with kickass salary to start work with. LOL.)

Mistake #1 : Did not apply for Masters. I should have.
Everyone around convinces you to get some work experience and apply for masters. Wrong. Experience doesn’t really count when you have good scores. Or maybe it does. But you can still get into a good university without it.

Mistake #2 : Wasted 7 months of precious time waiting for the call letter.
I could have done a lot of things. I wanted to. On top of my head right now I have guitar classes. Should have learnt how to play a guitar, but didn’t. Wasted time thinking I will get a call next day or the day after that. Days passed, actually months.

Mistake #3 : Joined IT IS. Should have waited for an IT call.
I was told that there are no IT projects anywhere in India and getting a call itself is a luck. Therefore this.
Well, I don’t regret this much because of all the wonderful people I got to meet and that Bangalore happened to come my way with all of them in it! :)

Mistake #4 : Wasted 10 months of humungus time!
I don’t regret this much either because of Bangalore and what it did to us! :)
I could have done a lot of things I wanted to do in the seven months I wasted earlier. But it was bench (a paid vacation as we called it). All you want to do is chill with roomies, go on dates and spend every last penny you have, self sympathizing for the four years of B.Tech you struggled. Yes, that was me.

Mistake #5 : This project right now!
When there was no enough money sufficient to survive in Bangalore and when at last you wanna save money, wisest thing to do is go back home! That’s what I did. Left Bangalore(and also a piece of my heart) and came here because at last, after a long wait, found a project here. Excited initially, for all the new experience to work with a team or maybe to just work ! :D

What I didn’t know was that this job was killing the enthusiasm in me, leaving me perplexed about what all this is. This is probably how it is from inside of a pressure cooker!  

Here I am now, 2 years after completing B. Tech, clear about what to do(and what not to), at least made a decision for myself and feeling thankful for the work experience which is useful for my MBA!  Everything happens for a reason. All you have to do is make your mistakes and learn from them!